A Little Life

Jude’s suicide attempt puts the value of his relationships into sharper focus, so he meets up with JB and finally extends his forgiveness. Willem follows his lead, and the original crew of four that began the book is reunited in friendship. Willem’s career has reached new heights of success, with fans and critics alike hailing him as a great talent and casting directors offering him everything from blockbuster action roles to prestige drama roles. As he spends time with Jude after Jude’s suicide attempt, Willem gradually begins to realize he has feelings of attraction for Jude that go beyond friendship. Hesitant to damage the most important friendship in his life, he asks Andy’s advice. Andy thinks the idea of a romantic relationship sounds wonderful for both Jude and Willem, but he advises Willem not to start anything if he is not prepared to deal with Jude’s substantial anxiety around sex. Willem takes this point under advisement but ultimately decides he wants to proceed.

Jude and Willem transition their friendship to a romance but agree not to tell anyone until they grow used to the idea. Jude feels unbelievably lucky that Willem wants this kind of relationship with him, but, as Andy warned Willem, he is completely unable to engage in anything sexual. He struggles just to take his shirt off for bed at night in front of Willem, only doing so when the lights are off.

One morning, while reading The New York Times over coffee, Jude sees an obituary for Caleb, who has died at age 52 of pancreatic cancer. The news affects Jude all day; he is distracted and skittish at work. When he gets home, he finally confesses the full story of his relationship with Caleb to Willem.

As Jude and Willem grow more comfortable in their new relationship, they begin telling their friends about it. Willem’s agent and manager worry that coming out as a gay actor will harm his career, pigeon-holing him into gay roles. When the news eventually breaks in an entertainment news outlet, Willem feels vaguely annoyed at all the attention, in part because he is a private person and in part because he does not consider himself gay; he feels attracted to Jude, not necessarily to men in general.

Meanwhile, Willem finds that even with Andy’s warning he underestimated how hard it would be to cultivate a relationship with someone so closed off, both physically and emotionally. He often tries to gently push at Jude’s boundaries, including a gradual increase of physical intimacy; he tells himself this will be good for Jude, but he also fears that as he is not a therapist, he might be making a mistake and only worsening Jude’s anxieties.