All Fours

The narrator makes plans to take a trip to New York. A whiskey company recently paid her $20,000 for a sentence she wrote years ago, which they’re licensing for their ad campaign. She’ll use the money to get away, spend time writing, and visit friends in the city. However, one night, the narrator wonders if she should change her plan. She and Harris attend a party at their friends’ house, and the conversation lapses into a discussion about Parkers and Drivers. Harris theorizes that people like himself and their friend Sonia are Drivers, while the narrator is a Parker. Determined to become a Driver, the narrator decides to drive to New York instead of flying. She gets up from the table and dances alone in the middle of the living room. She and Harris make eyes and salute each other, as they’ve done since the start of their relationship.

In the morning, the narrator calls her best friend Jordi about her plan. Jordi is skeptical, but the narrator is convinced the drive will let her be herself.

Harris helps Jordi map out the narrator’s cross-country route. The narrator doesn’t understand why she can’t just use her phone. Harris insists that she plot everything and suggests that she take three weeks away in total. The narrator considers how generous this is and wishes she could appreciate Harris better, but they’re constantly working, and their marriage has changed since Sam’s birth.

The narrator must be back in LA for her meeting with the “world-famous pop star” Arkanda by the 15th. Arkanda contacted her months ago about meeting, but her people keep switching the plans. Finally, the narrator has a set time and date. She hopes they’ll be working on a collaborative project because she needs a new creative endeavor.

The narrator asks Harris if he’ll be worried about her on the drive, but he seems unfazed. She compares his behavior to her father’s constant concern for her mother. She also thinks about her Grandmother Esther, who died by suicide in New York when she was 55. She pins the map that Harris made next to Brian’s note above her desk.

The narrator and Jordi meet up once a week at Jordi’s sculpting studio and eat junk food. Today, they sip milkshakes and talk about the telephoto guy. Jordi is disturbed but then realizes the situation probably excites the narrator. Then they start discussing their marital sex lives. Jordi is married to a woman named Mel. The narrator admits that she and Harris sleep together only once a week and she always initiates, coming into his room. However, she often fantasizes about other people when she’s with him. Jordi admits that her sex with Mel is more body-oriented. The narrator feels bad about herself, as if she’s doing everything wrong.

Afterward, the narrator sneaks back into her house. Harris never comes home like this and always makes as much noise as he pleases. It’s different for the narrator, who only feels free when she’s with Jordi. She longs for the day when she can enjoy a different life.

The narrator solidifies her road trip plans. Harris shows her how to use cruise control, and she stocks up on supplies for the road. She’s excited but doesn’t want to leave Sam. She hopes they won’t forget her. They take a bath together the night before she leaves, as is their weekly ritual. Sam asks again about getting a dog, but the narrator puts off deciding. In the morning, she says goodbye to Harris and Sam, promising to call when she gets to Utah.

The narrator begins her drive, feeling disoriented moving through “familiar parts of town” (29), as if she’s running errands. She turns on music and turns it off. Finally she calls her dad. He tells her that he’s in the “deathfield,” a mental state he invented when the narrator was a child. He had many fantasies and paranoias that he inflicted on the narrator, but she believed them.

The narrator says goodbye to her dad and stops for gas in Monrovia. She has the attendant check her tires and oil before filling her tank. While waiting, she watches another young man clean her windshield through the glass. He’s attractive, and she imagines something happening with him. Then she realizes he probably can’t see her because of the glare. Afterward, she takes the gas attendant’s restaurant recommendation and drives to Fontana’s. On the way, she listens to Portishead and thinks about her past. She remembers being pregnant with Sam and considers the oddness of loving someone who was once inside of her.

The narrator scrolls through her phone while eating. Then the windshield cleaner guy comes in. The narrator initiates a conversation with him, imagining that she’ll have many more such conversations throughout her trip. He introduces himself as Davey Boutrous and tells her all about his work at Hertz, his wife Claire, her job at a local design company, and their desire to save $20,000. While listening, the narrator realizes that Davey doesn’t recognize her. She’s a somewhat famous artist and she often forgets that not everyone knows her work. When Davey asks what she does, she alludes to her road trip.

Back on the road, the narrator continues thinking about her past, recalling memories from college and the years following. Then she pulls over in the Duarte Hertz lot to respond to texts from Harris. While walking around the building, she bumps into Davey. Back in the car, she drives in the opposite direction, returning to Monrovia, where she rents Room 321 at the Excelsior Motel. The room is drab, and the narrator longs for the beautiful room at Le Bristol in Paris where she once stayed. She settles in and calls Harris, lying and saying she’s in Utah. She lies in bed afterward, thinking of all the things Harris doesn’t know about her and dreaming of the day she’ll reveal everything.

The narrator relaxes in her room the following morning. When the housekeeper, Helen, knocks and tells her it’s time to check out, the narrator adds a day to her stay. She has a snack and walks to the local antique mall, where she finds an old pink quilt covered in stars. She tries negotiating the price, but the owner won’t sell it for less than $200. The narrator resents her and all older women but buys the quilt anyway. She takes it to the laundromat and walks around, wondering what it’d be like to live in Monrovia.

That night, she calls Jordi and admits everything. Jordi congratulates her for being spontaneous. After the call, the narrator feels more excited and examines her rooms with the eye to redecorate. Everything in her own home belonged to Harris, since he lived there before they got together. The only thing that is hers are the new kitchen spoons.

The narrator calls Palaces, the interior design place where Davey’s wife, Claire, works. She asks for Claire, explaining that she wants to work with her independently. Claire comes over, surprised the narrator wants to redecorate a rental. They discuss the narrator’s vision and settle the price at an even $20,000.

The narrator and Claire start working together. She’s surprised and pleased with Claire’s taste. She buys expensive things for the room and even lets the narrator sleep on her own memory foam mattress while her new one off-gasses.

The narrator calls Harris and pretends that she’s driving between Kansas and Indiana. Then she talks to Sam, who asks about a souvenir. After she hangs up, the narrator starts feeling guilty but dismisses the thought. She later calls Jordi and updates her about what’s going on.

Claire continues working on the room. She redoes the carpet, the walls, the curtains, the shower, and the bathroom floor and outfits the space with fancy towels and soaps.

The narrator calls her agent, Liza, and tells her to cancel her reservations in the city. Then she calls her New York friends and cancels their plans, too. Shortly thereafter, Claire finishes the room and gives the narrator a tour. She’s thrilled with the results. She guesses Claire thinks there’s something wrong with her but doesn’t care because she got paid.