All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten: Uncommon Thoughts on Common Things

Fulghum humorously proposes that citizenship, much like political office, should have term limits. He suggests that every 12 years, citizens should requalify for their status, undergoing evaluations like those required for naturalization. These evaluations would involve tests of competency in English, along with financial and legal vetting. By satirizing the bureaucratic process involved in maintaining citizenship, Fulghum critiques both the complexities of immigration policies and the passive way in which many treat their citizenship. The essay uses exaggerated scenarios to highlight the often-unquestioned lifelong status of citizenship, compared to the temporary nature of political terms.

In his capacity as godfather to a friend’s son, Fulghum has the opportunity to introduce the boy to a number of foundational experiences. So far, however, the only one the boy has embraced with enthusiasm is using crayons. Once he realizes how to make a mark on a surface, Fulghum’s godson joyfully realizes the power of creating something on one’s own. The toddler’s reaction inspires Fulghum to muse on the universal appeal of crayons. He explores how crayons evoke not only creativity but also a sense of nostalgia and joy in adults, and how they represent a simple form of expression. He ends with a philosophical note, suggesting that instead of destructive creations, like nuclear missiles, if humanity chose to “drop” crayons, symbols of creativity and peace, the world would be a better place.

This short essay serves as an introduction to the ones that follow. The time between Thanksgiving and Valentine’s Day, the literal and metaphorical season Fulghum dubs “midwinter,” is characterized by tension, despair, and confusion. Some years he wants to hide and other years he wants to organize large gatherings. He mentions giving away his collection of Christmas decorations, only to retrieve them later once he rediscovered his festive spirit. The essay captures the cyclical nature of emotions and traditions, highlighting how holiday traditions contain multiple meanings.

Fulghum’s essay explores the divide between his pragmatic, “heathen” father, and his devoutly Christian mother. The religious discussions could get heated, especially during the Christmas season. However, despite his rejection of Christian dogma, Fulghum’s father rang bells for the Salvation Army every holiday season, a tradition that puzzled the author in his youth. After his father’s passing, Fulghum’s aunt reveals the family’s history with the Salvation Army; the charity helped them when their home burned down, instilling a deep sense of gratitude in Fulghum’s father. Fulghum explores themes of belief, family loyalty, and how actions can overcome religious differences.

On a Sunday afternoon near Christmas 1979, Fulghum feels cynical about the holiday season. His mood shifts when Hong Duc, a Vietnamese refugee in a Santa mask, arrives unexpectedly at the narrator’s door to sing Christmas carols. In spite of himself, Fulghum finds joy and amusement in Hong Duc’s sincere caroling, evoking deep feelings of joy and the true essence of Christmas.

“Brass Rule” is a play on the “Golden Rule” of treating others as you would like to be treated. In the essay, it refers to the principle that the thoughtfulness of a gift matters more than the material value. Fulghum recounts experiences from a holiday party, where a grumpy man criticizes shallow gift exchanges and proposes the “Brass Rule of Gift Exchange,” which states that good thoughts lead to good gifts. The essay then reflects that what Fulghum truly desires for Christmas is the joy of childhood and the loving care associated with it.

Fulghum buys a baroque-style German cuckoo clock, one not realizing it requires assembly. He unpacks the clock only to discover it is far from the authentic antique he imagined. Instead, it’s made of plastic and comes with confusing assembly instructions. He tries to put it together, ultimately managing to get the clock to function, though not without mishaps, including the comical and rather sad “death” of the little cuckoo bird inside. The tale concludes with reflections on the experience, where he acknowledges that the real value wasn’t in the clock itself but in the shared joy and laughter it brought, particularly the connection it fostered with his wife.

On a hike one winter afternoon, Fulghum stumbles upon a Christmas tree in the middle of the forest, adorned with natural ornaments. He marvels at the sight and reflects on the effort and imagination involved in someone decorating a tree in such a secluded spot. Moved by the tree’s beauty and the intention behind it, Fulghum revisits the site to discover that the decorations have been removed. He interprets this act as a beautiful expression of interacting with the world responsibly and sustainably. The essay concludes with Fulghum feeling inspired to continue this tradition, planning to decorate and then “undecorate” a tree annually. This story, which he dubs a “Valentine’s story,” becomes a metaphor for loving not just one’s immediate circle but for the broader environment.

Fulghum reflects on an unexpected moment of Christmas cheer experienced out of season. One August, he discovers a box of unopened Christmas cards. On a whim, he decides to sit on his deck, dressed in a bathing suit, to open these forgotten cards. As he reads through the messages, he is overwhelmed by a mix of emotions. He puts on Christmas carols, further immersing himself in the wistful joy and nostalgia of the holiday season, despite it being the middle of summer. When a neighbor stops by, drawn by the sound of Christmas music, they share a laugh over the situation. They are both moved to tears by the cards and the music, highlighting the timeless and universal appeal of the Christmas spirit.

Fulghum begins by sharing a conversation with a lady who is experiencing what he describes as “midwinter spiritual rot” (183). He shares his personal remedy for spiritual malaise: listening to Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony. He listens to the symphony on headphones, lying on the floor and letting the music energize his spirit. He reflects on Beethoven’s life: his hardships, his deafness, and his triumph in composing music he could not hear it—producing a work of “truth and beauty” that Fulghum fantasizes about being to conduct someday (184). A note added at the end reports that he did, in fact, have the opportunity to do so, but he saves that story for another time.

Fulghum describes a friend who commemorates his sobriety each January by contemplating a bottle of vodka during his morning shave. Ten years ago, his gaunt, bloodshot reflection prompted him to attend an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Now, he marks each year of sobriety on the bottle, symbolizing a daily commitment to abstain. The essay underscores the private nature of personal victories, the ongoing fight against demons, and the importance of self-awareness and courage in facing battles alone, while recognizing quiet, solitary celebrations of success.