Big Swiss

“She’d held on to the equipment all these years because she’d genuinely enjoyed the eavesdropping aspect, the isolation of working from home, the not speaking for many hours at a time. She’d been a listener all her life and tended to surround herself with people in love with their own voices.”

This quote contextualizes Greta’s immediate obsession with Big Swiss based solely on her voice. Greta’s voyeurism is introduced as a strength of her character: She is a good listener, by her own account. Greta’s desire to listen and never speak foreshadows her guilt for her mother’s death, in which she blames herself for speaking aloud her desire for her mother to die by suicide.

“Anorexia was about control, Greta remembered having read somewhere, and Sabine lived in chaos. Perhaps exercising control over what she allowed into her body made her life feel less crazy.”

Greta suspects that Sabine is anorexic because Sabine is losing excessive amounts of weight. Sabine’s life, like Greta’s, is largely out of her control. Both women come together at a time in their lives when many of their formerly relied upon structures have imploded. Greta deals with her stress through voyeurism, while Sabine deals with her stress through self-harm. This quote explores the many self-destructive ways that people may cope with their Physical and Psychological Trauma.

“Because she was a ridiculous person with too much time on her hands, and morally bankrupt. Lusting after her good friend’s teenage son: obscene. Disparaging her decrepit father for no reason: also not great.”

The narrator captures Greta’s self-deprecation through the use of free and indirect discourse. This insight into Greta’s self-perception reveals that she thinks lowly of herself. Greta perceives her feelings and actions towards others as all morally suspect, revealing her rationalization for her isolation from society.

“Greta’s current feeling was shame. Although she’d had plenty of opportunities, she’d never cheated on Stacy, especially not with her father, because that’s precisely who Rob reminded her of—her father, with tits.”

Greta feels ashamed about her affair with Rob, a woman she dated in high school. This affair was formative because it revealed to Greta that she wasn’t as stable in her emotions for Stacy as she had thought. Rob is a challenge to Greta’s long-term relationship with Stacy. It also signifies an unresolved issue with Greta’s father. This is an important characterization of Greta’s history with affairs, both as somebody inside and outside of a relationship marred by an affair.

“Fingers are flexible. Not to mention the other huge difference: the camaraderie of a female mind.”

Greta and Big Swiss’s sexual relationship is transformative for Greta. This quote emphasizes the lesbian positivity of the novel. Here, Beagin notes that two women engaged in sex know what a woman wants and can please the other woman in ways that are perhaps inaccessible to men in heteronormative sexual experiences. Big Swiss and Greta’s affair exists outside of heteronormative assumptions about sex. Big Swiss’s ability to achieve orgasms within this context suggests that the experience is more authentic and fulfilling without the assumptions placed on heterosexual sex.

“Big Swiss looked toward the window and frowned. She was crashing, it appeared, and the comedown was rough. Greta felt it, too—a doomed sadness.”

This quote foreshadows the future destruction of Greta and Big Swiss’s relationship. Despite their closeness and the moving power of the sexual part of the relationship, Big Swiss and Greta are two individuals suffering through internal turmoil. The height of their passion forces them down deeper into the depression they use that sexual passion to momentarily avoid.

“But now, for the first time ever, Greta felt like she was inside the dream house while awake. That’s what being inside Big Swiss’s pussy felt like, a place she’d been visiting in her dreams for years and forgetting. How exhilarating to finally be awake for this, lucid and somewhat in control. On the other hand, how devastating. She was crushed by the number of years she’d wasted.”

Having sex with Big Swiss makes Greta feel the unfamiliar sensation of being at home. She has long dreamed of this out-of-body experience. This quote highlights how intoxicated Greta is by Big Swiss. Greta regrets having spent so many years not having sex with women and not pursuing a passion like the one she has for Big Swiss. Greta’s regret for not courting other women hints at another possible reason for fleeing her engagement to Stacy. This quote emphasizes Beagin’s sex positive message while also emphasizing the complexities of Greta’s perceptions of Big Swiss.

“It dawned on her slowly, a little painfully, that what she’d been looking for inside the dream house, and what she’d found, was her own appetite. She’d been famished all these years without knowing it.”

Due to her unresolved traumas and emotional detachment disorder, Greta is out of touch with her emotions. She confuses sexual elation with Big Swiss with a connection to her emotions. Greta’s relationship with Big Swiss is ironic: While it began from her habits of hiding from her own emotions, the intensity of the connection forces her to eventually re-connect with her own emotions.

“On the one hand, she’d been anticipating this confession and was slightly offended that it hadn’t come sooner. On the other, heavier hand, she dreaded hearing it again. Transcribing it had taken over six hours, so, in a sense, she’d heard this story a hundred times, what with all the rewinding, replaying, tapping it out word for word. In fact, she was probably more familiar with it than almost anyone, and yet, could she really pretend to be hearing it for the first time?”

Greta doesn’t only lie about her identity; she lies to Big Swiss about all that she knows about the other woman. This quote is important evidence that Greta is coercing Big Swiss even though she genuinely wants a deep connection with Big Swiss. Greta’s indignation at not being told these vulnerabilities sooner alludes to her inability to deal with authentic relationships: Greta expects the relationship to conform to her fantasy.

“She was, in fact, a terrible actress. Friend. Human being. What kind of person pulls a stunt like this? Hadn’t Big Swiss suffered enough? Why on earth was Greta putting her through this, and for what?”

Beagin uses free and indirect discourse through the narrator to reflect on Greta’s poor self-perception at critical points in the narrative. Greta’s self-awareness is contrasted against her willing continuation of the lies used to seduce Big Swiss. Greta’s own inner turmoil hints towards the Complexity of Human Connection.

“Was she not important enough to bring up in therapy, or was she too important to bring up to Om? Was Big Swiss keeping their affair from him because she feared his response, his ridiculous opinions and suggestions, or did she suspect something? Was this her way of letting Greta know that she knew, and if so, how could she not say anything?”

Greta’s manipulation spins out of control into paranoia. Her paranoia is a narrative inevitability from her reliance on lies and deceit Greta wants to hear Big Swiss speak to the elation Greta is feeling about their affair; Big Swiss can, in therapy, talk about all of the things that are conflicting about her relationship with Greta. This shows that Greta isn’t fully aware of the consequences of her actions and desires.

“No one should have such easy access to the private thoughts of their lover—or anyone.”

Beagin’s exploration of messy human connection creates a tension between the entity of the relationship and the individuals that comprise it. The consequences of Greta’s over-reaching invasions argue for the privacy of an individual’s psyche as key to a relationship healthy. This quote emphasizes the Manipulation and Power Dynamics inherent in Greta’s desires for Big Swiss.

“The phantoms whirled like dervishes. She hadn’t experienced a flare-up in years, but it was all coming back to her now. Pain was the only way out. Pain interfered with the itch, and if you inflicted enough—on yourself, of course—the itch subsided altogether.”

Greta is aware that she doesn’t have lice; she has experienced phantom lice and itching for many years. This is a physical manifestation of her stress and trauma Greta’s phantom itch is a symbol for the paranoia and stress informing her affair with Big Swiss.

“It seemed to thrive out in the open, in broad daylight, as well as inside her body. It was parasitic. How long had it lurked in the shadows, waiting for the right moment to take her as its host? Now it was feasting on her red blood cells. Now it was invading her heart. But jealousy didn’t kill its host, right? It just felt that way. Eventually, it would pass out of her body completely.” 

Beagin uses metaphor to anthropomorphize the concept of jealousy, giving it malicious intent and parasitic tendencies. Beagin’s imagery reinforces the completely self-destructive nature of Greta’s worldview and actions.

“It was Greta’s desire that had mutated, she thought on the toilet. She’d become a vile, greedy nightmare, seemingly overnight. It would be good to go back to the beginning, when all she’d desired was the dream house between Big Swiss’s legs, and not, as it were, the entire property.”

Greta uses metaphor to dehumanize Big Swiss and treat her like property to be carved up and owned by her and Luke. This metaphor also reveals the stark socioeconomic divide between the two women: Greta has no hope of owning a “dream house,” while Big Swiss is in a heteronormative idyllic marriage with a home. The conflation between owning Big Swiss and homeownership joins Greta’s poverty with her desires for Big Swiss.

“When people try to diagnose you, eight times out of ten they’re diagnosing themselves. ‘Terminal uniqueness’ is a term used in twelve-step programs. It’s the belief that what you’ve experienced is utterly unlike anything anyone else has experienced, which makes you an exception to the rule, or exempt from the usual consequences. It can be dangerous.”

Om’s perspective on “Rebekah” is eye-opening. This quote reveals a layer to Greta that the reader wouldn’t know about because of Beagin’s use of the third person limited narrator. Beagin uses the transcriptions to reveal outside perspectives on Greta, through Greta’s own perspective.

“Maybe Big Swiss had something to teach her about living. About taking responsibility. About eradicating self-pity and perhaps replacing it with something productive.”

Greta’s desire for Big Swiss to be a magic bullet for her problems and teach her how to avoid her self-pity is, ironically, an example of how pervasive Greta’s self-pity becomes as the affair progresses.

“But at the end of the day, I’m just as careless and selfish as she was, because I’m acting on my impulses without thinking of the mess, and expecting you to pick up the pieces.”

In this quote, Greta equates herself with her mother, the source of her own hurt. Greta acknowledges that she projects her inability to take responsibility onto Big Swiss. Greta acknowledges that she’s impulsive to a destructive degree. This passage is an important turning point in Greta’s self-perception.

“So, I’m not sure why you’re acting all outraged, since you already thought of me as someone beneath you. A broken toy. You don’t really care about privacy. Or boundaries. You’re only mad because I had a little power over you, power I didn’t deserve, because you hadn’t given it to me.”

This quote reveals Greta’s perspective of Big Swiss’s privilege. Big Swiss has long cultivated a tight sense of control over her life. Greta’s deception and coercion proves that Big Swiss can be coerced and deceived. Greta accuses Big Swiss of being more upset about this reality than about the deception itself. Crucially, Greta also pinpoints Big Swiss’s privilege relative to her own lack of privilege. What this really reveals is that Greta sees herself as lower than Big Swiss and therefore unworthy; this quote exposes Greta’s anxieties about how Big Swiss thinks of her. Though this imbalance in privilege is true, it reinforces Greta’s inability to take responsibility for her deceit.

“She’d never claimed an identity for the same reasons she’d never gotten tattoos: she couldn’t imagine settling on anything.”

Greta’s actions consistently echo the emotional attachment disorder diagnosis, which she fled at the beginning of the novel. Beagin presents Greta’s actions as always leading back to or echoing this diagnosis, suggesting the myriad of ways in which Physical and Psychological Trauma can seep into the life of a traumatized individual.

“On the other hand, who confronts a violent ex-convict on his own turf and accuses him of attempted murder? Someone stupid, reckless, and insane. And deeply paranoid. You’re the stalker, Greta told herself. You’re the one to worry about.”

Greta has built Keith up as a villain. She believes he is stalking her and Big Swiss, and that he has shot Piñon. Ironically, Greta herself has stalked and injured Big Swiss. Greta’s beliefs about Keith lead to an anti-climax, in which Keith is revealed to have no hand in her own troubles.

“One person always liked or loved the other person a little more than they were liked or loved, and sometimes it was a lot more, and sometimes the tables turned and you found yourself on the other side, but it was never, ever equal, and that was pretty much the only thing you could count on in life.”

This quote emphasizes The Complexity of Human Connection. Greta desires for human connection to be stable, equitable, and equally as intense on both sides: Her position as an accessory to Big Swiss’s marriage, coupled with her own intense infatuation, proves that this is not the case.

“He claimed that she’d been living in a straitjacket for decades, a straitjacket that prevented her from fully participating in her own life, from experiencing a full range of emotions. The straitjacket explained her passivity, her inability to defend herself, to take action, to make plans, to dream—."

The metaphor of the straitjacket is an important way of using imagery to get Greta to understand her psyche. Om specifically uses a metaphor that connotes mental illness to make Greta connect her mental blockages to her mental health: The straitjacket has often been a tool used in oppressive asylums against those with mental illnesses or neurodivergency.