Can't We Talk About Something More Pleasant?: A Memoir

The author’s mother, Elizabeth Chast, is a key figure in Can’t We Talk About Something More Pleasant?, alongside her husband, George. Born to Jewish immigrants who moved to America from Russia in the early 1900s, seeking a better life, Elizabeth’s family struggled financially. Her father was an engineer in Russia but couldn’t support the family due to his limited English skills, while her mother worked washing clothes. Growing up, Elizabeth was an aspiring concert pianist but abandoned the dream and eventually became an assistant principal at an elementary school. Although Jewish, Elizabeth was not spiritual and dismissed the idea of an afterlife, cynically remarking, “When you’re dead, you’ll know” (12). She passed away in 2009 from old age and the consequences of chronic diverticulitis.

Physically, Elizabeth Chast was short and robust, describing herself as built like a farmer. In Chast’s illustrations of her in later years, she is depicted with white hair and glasses, while in her youth, she is shown with brown hair. Elizabeth is often frowning in these illustrations and is rarely smiling. Her personality was decisive, critical, and uncompromising. Chast notes that her mother loved “telling people what to do” (41), a trait that suited her well in her role as assistant principal. Elizabeth had a temper and frequently expressed “volcano-like […] rage” toward those around her, which she referred to as “blasts from Chast” (42). An illustration on Page 42 humorously depicts her screaming at tiny versions of her husband and daughter, highlighting her domineering nature. Elizabeth’s stubbornness resolutely emerged in her initial refusal when Chast offered to seek outside help. After Elizabeth moved to an assisted living facility with George, other residents criticized her for talking too much and always wanting to be right. Chast reflects that “not everyone agreed with my father that my mother was the world’s leading authority on everything” (133). Elizabeth’s tenacity was evident in her final months, which she spent in a limbo state, fiercely clinging to life and refusing to let go. On Page 198, an illustration imagines her confronting the Grim Reaper, defiantly saying, “Back off, mister.”

Because of her difficult personality, Elizabeth had a strained relationship with Chast. Throughout Chast’s childhood, Elizabeth maintained a clear boundary, insisting that she was her mother, not her friend. In contrast, Elizabeth’s relationship with her husband, George, was deeply codependent. They referred to each other as soulmates, and Elizabeth attended to George’s needs, such as driving him around, washing his hair, and cooking for him. After George’s death, Elizabeth had a bathroom accident at Chast’s house, showing the profound impact that his loss had on her.

Elizabeth exemplifies the theme of Emotional Avoidance as a Coping Mechanism. She was not in touch with her feelings and rarely displayed emotions other than anger. In 1940, she lost her first baby before Chast was born, and she referred to that episode dismissively as “that mess,” never telling Chast where the baby was buried. When George’s health declined and he required hospice care, Elizabeth refused to acknowledge the possibility of his impending death, insisting, “I want POSITIVE THINKING!!!” (151). On her deathbed, when Chast expressed a wish for a better relationship, Elizabeth dismissively responded that it didn’t worry her. The only way Elizabeth expressed her emotions was through her poetry. In a poem Chast reproduces in the memoir, Elizabeth wrote that her daughter was “their greatest joy, by far” (97).

Chast’s father, George Chast, is a central figure in the memoir, along with his wife, Elizabeth. Like Elizabeth, his parents emigrated to America from Russia at the turn of the century with nothing. His mother was the only one of nine children in her family to survive the Russian cholera epidemic. After bandits killed her father, she moved to New York, where she met George’s father. George grew up in New York as an only child. He worked as a high school French and Spanish teacher. Although Jewish, he was not spiritual and did not believe in an afterlife, saying, “Either there’s something, or there’s nothing. Probably nothing” (12). He passed away in 2007 due to complications following a fall.

Physically, George was tall and thin, earning him the nickname “Skinnyshanks” from Elizabeth. In contrast to Elizabeth’s stubborn and overpowering nature, George was indecisive, kind, and sensitive. Elizabeth often accused him of “walking around with his feelers out” (38). He had a love for languages and knew French, Spanish, Italian, and Yiddish. However, George also had many anxieties: Chast humorously notes that he “chain-[worried] the way others might chain-smoke” (35). As he began to experience the effects of senility, his worries intensified, particularly about his bankbooks, which he feared had been stolen. Due to his anxiety, George never learned to drive, swim, or ride a bike, and he was not handy around the house. On Page 35, an illustration portrays him shaking as he tries to put toast in a toaster. His anxieties extended to food, and he ate very slowly, in contrast to Elizabeth, who ate quickly. When bedridden after his fall and suffering from bedsores, George had a defeatist attitude: “He was tired of the work of staying alive and of his excruciatingly painful bedsores” (151). This contrasts sharply with Elizabeth’s insistence on positive thinking and her refusal to accept the reality of his impending death.

Despite their contrasting personalities, George and Elizabeth had a strong, codependent relationship. They shared nearly every life experience: They were born 10 days apart, grew up close to each other in East Harlem, were in the same class at school, and did everything together. When Elizabeth was hospitalized, George seemed lost and disoriented without her, repeatedly asking Chast, “Where’s Mom?“ and “Why am I here?” (86). When he and Elizabeth moved to the assisted living facility, they struggled to socialize with the other residents because, as Chast notes, they had been “each other’s only mirror for too long” (133). George shared a close bond with Chast. She recalls how, during her childhood, he taught her a card game called Casino, listened to her talk about the Beatles, and enjoyed walks to the candy store. After his death, Chast felt only “deep affection and gratitude” for him (167). She kept his ashes separate from Elizabeth’s, giving him the space he didn’t have in life.