Goodbye, Vitamin

In a series of entries from June 6th through 23rd, Ruth tries to remain hyper-present, observing her family and things around her. On June 13th, Linus and Annie help Bonnie move a couch to her new apartment. While driving, Ruth sees the EAT MORE ENDIVE truck again. She has Linus follow the truck, but she is disappointed to see that the driver is not Carl.

When Ruth returns home from the store on June 23rd, she finds her father on top of the coffee table holding his head “like he’s on a plane about to make an emergency landing” (145). As they watch television one night, Howard turns to Ruth and asks, “You’re my daughter?” (146), and then says that she sounds different and “more sonorous” (146). Ruth thanks him.

Theo calls Ruth and invites her to breakfast. At breakfast, he asks her if Joel was her longest relationship. Ruth tells Theo about the challenges of moving on after the breakup, especially when she had to live alone. She asks Theo about his longest relationship, and he tells her about his college girlfriend who was not his longest relationship but his most difficult one. While listening to Theo, Ruth struggles with her promise to stay present, noting how their words fall “behind me, quickly, into the past, too” (149).

Uncle John and Theo join the Young family to celebrate the Fourth of July. Ruth asks if Theo has a picture of his ex-girlfriend, and he shares a photo of them camping in Yosemite. He tells Ruth about one night on their trip: They forgot to clean up their food and a bear came to their campsite. Thinking they were about to die, they promised each other that “if we made it out alive, things would change” (151). Soon thereafter, the bear departed, leaving them unscathed.

Ruth shares a photo of a trip she and Joel took to Florida. As they talk about their past relationships, Ruth detects “something like pride” (151) in Theo’s voice as he talks about his ex-girlfriend. Ruth notices because her own tone is disappointed when talking about Joel. She cannot help but notice that Theo’s ex-girlfriend is pretty and tells herself not to care.

On July 9th, Ruth turns 31. She sneaks onto campus and glues all the caps shut on Levin’s pens as a gift to herself. She goes to her favorite fountain on campus, armed with a water bottle full of gin, and begins throwing dollar bills into the fountain while making wishes. Theo eventually finds her and asks for a swig from her bottle. Ruth notices that Theo looks nicer than usual but tells herself she only thinks this because she is drunk. Theo asks her what her wish is, and she decides to tell him. Standing close to him, Ruth tells Theo he smells like fruit, and he kisses her. She panics and runs away.

Ruth calls Linus and asks him to pick her up. At home, Ruth finds an old dress that belonged to her grandmother as a gift from her mother, and Howard gives her his old journal. There is a Post-it note bookmarking a page in the journal, and the entry reads “[...] Today I thought: I’m nuts–I’m just nuts–about you” (155).

Ruth wakes up the day after her birthday with a hangover and a missed call from Theo. His message asks her to call him back, and she does not and goes to a cafe instead. She thinks about what could potentially come from calling Theo back: They could admit their feelings for one another or they could say it was a drunken mistake. Ruth tells herself that it is presumptuous to think that things would not work out with Theo, but also that she is “through doing things that don’t count” (156) or amount to anything.

Ruth’s entry ends with a transcription of her father’s journal entries that recount comical and somewhat painful memories from Ruth’s childhood. He writes about a time when Ruth mixed pretend Bloody Marys and it caused him to realize that he had a drinking problem. He also writes about all of the things he would give to pause time and prevent the inevitable day that Ruth grows up and leaves

Ruth writes her July journal entry in the style of her father’s journal, addressed to “you” and recording a series of moments beginning with “Today [...]” (158). Ruth writes about her father momentarily going missing and finding him at a local park. When she sits down with him, Ruth writes “You mentioned that there were some things on our mind, but lately you were having trouble getting to them” (160). Ruth listens to her father tell her about his childhood. He says he feels like his mind is a box that contains items that belong to him, but he lacks the tools to open it.

Ruth’s journal entries continue in the same style of addressing her father. Her father goes missing again and for three hours, Ruth, Linus, and Annie comb the neighborhood calling for him. When they finally decide to go home to call the police, they arrive and find Howard at home, his nails inexplicably painted silver.

Bonnie comes over to the Young’s house and Ruth, Linus, and Bonnie sit together in an old kiddie pool filled with hose water drinking vodka mixed with Kool-Aid. Linus is in the middle of discussing teleportation when Theo arrives, having just returned from taking Howard to Home Depot. Bonnie asks Ruth who “the blonde” (Joan) was that she saw the other day and that she looked “chummy” (166) with Howard. Ruth wonders where Bonnie could have seen Joan and her father together. Theo says he has to go and leaves. He returns to the house a few days later, and he makes awkward small talk with Ruth.

Ruth writes that she has been having the same episodic dream each night. In her dream, she writes that their family is together and that they have 58 dogs. Howard cares for them and feeds them and does not have dementia. Each night, another dog runs away, and as each dog leaves Howard forgets more. They finally realize that the dogs have been helping Howard remember whole years of his life; eventually, he forgets Linus, and then Ruth.

Howard complains that the sauce Ruth made is bland because she did not want to put any sugar or fat in it. He convinces her to add some butter and a little sugar, saying “all those mice with Alzheimer’s. [...] They forget so many things, but they never forget how much they like peanut butter” (168). Ruth takes Howard to the beach, and he asks her about her job as an ultrasound technician. Ruth is surprised that he wants to hear about her work.

Howard’s symptoms worsen, and one day he yells at the family for an hour, convinced that they stole money from him. He breaks the legs off a dining room chair and smashes nearly all of the family’s drinking glasses. Howard apologizes afterward and says he wants to help the family prepare for when his condition worsens. They wrap everything breakable and buy new, plastic glassware. Howard also thinks about adding another set of working doorknobs lower on the front door so that he cannot get out of the house unassisted. The family donates their black clothing because dark colors can feel threatening to a patient with dementia.

One morning, Ruth hands her father his daily vitamins and he says “Hello, water [...] Goodbye, vitamin” (172) before swallowing. Nightfall makes him anxious, so the family buys nightlights. They put away anything that he could potentially choke on.

Ruth applies for a two-year sonography certification so that she can become a cardiac sonographer at the end of her studies. Ruth begins her nut collection again when she finds two misshapen almonds because “well, what can I do?” (173).

Ruth and Howard continue to spend time together and go running at her old high school track. Theo comes over with root beer and takeout, and they all play Monopoly together. When Theo leaves, Howard says to Ruth: “I’m senile but I’m not blind [...] That wasn’t so bad, was it?” (174).

Howard forgets to pay for a chicken at the store. At home, Ruth tries to convince him that they should return it but instead, he convinces her to put it in the rotisserie oven. Ruth and Howard go pumpkin picking and carve pumpkins together. When Howard sees Ruth’s carving, he says it looks familiar. He pulls out an old photograph of Ruth as a child holding up an identically carved pumpkin.

Ruth answers a phone call from Joel. They make small talk for a moment, and Joel asks how Ruth’s parents are. He then tells her that he is marrying Kristen, his girlfriend, and that they are expecting a baby. Ruth congratulates him and while the news of Joel’s engagement feels inevitable, Ruth struggles with the news of the pregnancy. Bonnie is out of town, so Ruth calls Theo and invites him out. Theo agrees on the condition that Ruth does not get “sad-drunk” (177).

They meet at a bar downtown that turns out to be one of Howard’s old haunts. Theo points out the regular customers, one of whom recognizes Ruth because she resembles her father. Theo notices that Ruth is ruminating, so he begins to recite trivia to her and suggests they leave the bar and go play basketball. They watch the sunrise together, and Theo gives Ruth a ride home.

Ruth takes Howard to a doctor’s appointment, and they see a bunch of pigeons in the medical center parking lot. She drives them to In-N-Out and they buy milkshakes and fries. Back at the parking lot, they feed the pigeons together and Howard remarks that “This is a nice day” (184). He repeats this and Ruth momentarily wonders whether he wants to emphasize his feelings or whether he forgot he already said this. She decides that the answer does not matter and chooses to enjoy the day with her father.

The family continues to spend time together and goes bowling. Howard bowls three strikes in a row and wins a turkey for Thanksgiving dinner. At home, Howard tells Ruth not to make any more “crucified vegetables” (185) and requests lasagna instead. As Ruth cleans up the kitchen, a winged insect startles her. She goes to Theo’s house to ask whether cockroaches can fly. He welcomes her in.

Theo comes by for dinner, and they all take a walk to the park afterward. Howard, Linus, and Annie head back home, but Theo and Ruth stay behind on a park bench watching the ducks. Ruth tells Theo that she has good feelings toward him, and he confirms that he feels the same.

Howard begins to forget more names but not how he feels about people, referring to Annie as “the one I’m holding a torch for” (187). Thanksgiving arrives, and Ruth takes on the responsibility of cooking but calls Uncle John over when the turkey proves too daunting for her. Maxine and her son, Kevin, arrive during dinner. She explains that her ex-husband invited her to spend Thanksgiving with his family, stating that he wanted to meet Kevin, but Maxine ultimately decided against it and drove to the Youngs’ house instead.

After Thanksgiving, Howard’s illness continues to progress. Ruth finds him roasting a cabbage in the rotisserie oven and eating canned peaches from the earthquake kit, and she joins him. She writes that she is collecting these moments for him.

As Linus decorates the house for Christmas and Ruth approaches one year of living at home, Howard tells her that she will be “free to go soon” (190), insisting that he is still the one who makes the rules. He tells her that after Christmas he wants her to leave, as he does not want her to feel obligated to stay and see him act “loony toons” (190). Ruth tells him that she will think about it and that as a grown adult, she no longer has to listen to his rules.

Theo and Ruth begin dating, and one night while he thinks she is asleep he whispers to her “You’re too perfect” (191). Fighting the urge to correct him, Ruth pretends to be asleep.

On Christmas, the family opens presents. Linus gives them all walkie-talkies inscribed with their names. Annie and Ruth cook Christmas dinner and celebrate with the Nazaryans, Uncle John, and his girlfriend. Ruth makes endive boats from Cooking with Carl.

Ruth recalls her earliest memory: Sick with pneumonia, her father gave her a sponge bath and clipped her fingernails, something that scared Ruth because she thought it would hurt. She recalls the feeling of her father caring for her, ensuring that he was gentle with the clippers and that the bath was neither too warm nor cool.

After dinner, Ruth, Linus, Howard, and Annie take their walkie-talkies outside, following Howard’s lead. They share an orange that Annie brought and follow Howard, single file, into the dark.