How to Say Babylon: A Memoir

In 1966, Haile Selassie, Ethiopia’s emperor, visited Jamaica on an official state visit. Many Rastafari believed that Selassie was a living God, so thousands came to Kingston Airport to await his arrival.

When Selassie’s plane appeared in the sky, the crowd became excited and rushed the plane, trampling the red carpet and VIP seating set out by the prime minister of Jamaica. They surrounded the plane, frightening Selassie so badly that he didn’t want to disembark. The prime minister of Jamaica asked one of the Rastafari leaders to board the plane to convince Selassie to greet the crowd. Following this conversation, Selassie walked out of the plane, weeping when he saw the sheer size of the crowd.

During the end of Selassie’s visit, Safiya’s father, Howard, was born. As he grew up, he worshipped Selassie and then began to believe he was a God, too. Images of and stories about Selassie populated Safiya’s childhood. Selassie’s influence—both positive and negative—on Rastafari people continued to exist years after the politician was overthrown in a coup in Ethiopia and died.

Safiya spends the first five years of her life in White House, in her mother’s village. Safiya is fond of White House, mainly because it is next to the sea and many of her mother’s relatives live there. White House is not plush: There is no running water or electricity. As a result, Safiya spends most of her days on the beach, exploring and playing. While Safiya’s mother feels at peace at White House, her father never feels comfortable because he thinks too many of Babylon’s influences are nearby.

White House is surrounded on either side by opulent hotels that look like old plantation homes. However, Safiya’s grandfather refuses to sell White House, and, as a result, it is the only land owned by Black Jamaicans in Montego Bay.

Every morning when Safiya’s father leaves for work, he makes her promise not to play in the ocean. One morning when she is four, she breaks her promise, going to explore the water, even though she doesn’t know how to swim yet. She goes farther into the ocean than she typically does, lured by “a reedy voice from the sea” (20). She throws herself into the water and begins to drown. Her mother Esther notices her disappearance and runs to save her, slicing her foot open in the process. Esther pulls Safiya out of the water and comforts her. Her mother never tells her father about the near-drowning, fearing his wrath.

Both of Safiya’s parents, Esther and Howard, were born in 1962, amid Jamaica gaining independence from Britain. They both always felt like outsiders, which eventually led them to Rastafari.

Esther experienced a tumultuous and traumatic childhood. Her mother died during a botched abortion, and her father would leave for long periods. No one told Esther about her mother’s death, leading her to constantly wonder where her mother had disappeared. She was eventually told by a man who was angry after his attempts to grope her were rebuffed.

In the absence of adults, Esther took on a maternal role for many of her younger siblings. A very caring person, she enjoyed this domestic role. When she got older, she experienced terrible menstrual cramps; a white nun at a woman’s clinic examined her and told her that she had a condition that meant it was unlikely she would ever bear children. Esther was devastated at the news and turned to alternative medicines, such as yoga and marijuana.

Around the same time, Howard was dealing with the breakup of his band, Future Wind, after the band’s manager stole their royalties. Howard had spent a year in the United States, which ended with his deportation. During his time in the United States, he used public libraries to research Rastafari; in love with their music and their message, he adopted this belief system and twisted his hair into dreadlocks. When he returned to his mother’s house in Jamaica, she would not let him in until he cut his hair. Howard grew up in an abusive home. His mother, Pauline, had him when she was only 14, something that was extremely shameful to her family. As a result, Howard was mistreated—often violently—by his maternal grandparents.

Despite cutting his hair, Howard continued exploring the Rastafari Movement, drawn to its strictest sect, the Mansion of Nyabinghi. When Pauline and her husband, Uncle Clive, kicked Howard out, he completely embraced Rastafari.

One day, an old friend invited Howard to come back to live in Montego Bay. His friend threw a homecoming party for him, and everyone at the party was ecstatic to see him. Esther was also at the party. When she went outside to sit on the balcony, she recognized Howard as the singer of Future Wind. The two immediately bonded and spent all night talking. She offered Howard a home at White House, and he eventually moved in once he went fishing with her father and brought home a good catch.

Esther revealed to Howard that she couldn’t have children, but he rejected Babylon’s medical system. After living in a Rastafari commune for a while, Esther and Howard returned to White House. Esther’s sister was shocked by Esther’s new Rastafari appearance. Eventually, Esther became pregnant with Safiya and viewed this miraculous pregnancy as a result of her devotion to the Rastafari Movement.

Safiya’s father never feels like he belongs anywhere. He does not feel completely comfortable at White House because he grew up in the country. Additionally, he earns money for the family by playing music at fancy tourist resorts, places that remind him of his hatred and fear of the modern world.

Howard is the family’s source of information, and he loves to deliver hour-long sermons on the dangers of Babylon. He also teaches the family about Black history, primarily focusing on Africa. Safiya is entranced by her father’s speeches and wants to mimic him. One day, she tries to make the Sign of the Power of the Trinity—a sacred and important symbol in Rastafari—after she sees him and her brother Lij make it. Her father quickly tells her to stop: In Rastafari, only bredren, or men, can make the sign. Despite this, Safiya and Howard have a close relationship, and he calls her Budgie, after his favorite bird, a budgerigar.

Another reason Howard dislikes living in White House is that two of Esther’s sisters also live there, and he disapproves of their lifestyle. The two women wear makeup, go to the hair salon, eat meat, and go out to dance; they rebuked Howard when he tried to convert them to Rastafari. Aunt Audrey, in particular, dislikes Howard because he has transformed Esther into a voiceless and submissive woman. To avoid Howard’s fights with her sisters, Esther begins smoking marijuana frequently. Howard becomes obsessed with his worries that Esther’s sisters are contaminated and will pollute Safiya’s purity.

Eventually, Howard grows so concerned about the encroaching influence of Babylon that he forces the family to move to the countryside. They tell no one they are leaving. Howard promises Safiya that the next home will be better for them.

The family moves to Bogue Heights, which overlooks Montego Bay. The house is much bigger than their previous home and has indoor plumbing. It has a lush backyard, filled with fruit trees. The family spends a lot of time outside together listening to Howard denounce various Western political figures.

One day, Howard announces that he and Esther will change their names because their current names were given to them by Babylon. He changes his name to Djani, which means “king” in Swahili. Esther’s new name is Makini Nassoma, which means “Strength of Character. Queen” (54). Additionally, Howard no longer believes in marriage because it is another way for Babylon to control people.

As the children grow up, Esther gets a reputation for having raised smart children. She eventually starts an education program for other children called Stimulation Program for the IQ-raising of Children; its acronym, SPIC, comes from a cleaning product. Many children sign up, and she teaches the classes for free because she believes education should be available to everyone. Howard loves her success because it confirms that a Rastafari education is more effective than Babylon’s.

Howard’s music career stalls, primarily because there is less demand for Rastafari musicians. He is angry that he has to play Bob Marley songs instead of his own music. Despite the lack of work, Howard refuses to shave his dreadlocks and beard. He comes home angry most nights.

One day, Howard brings home two dogs. The children name them Reagan and Thatcher after Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher, politicians whom Howard says are “worse than a mongrel dog” (60). The children love the dogs.

While living in Bogue Heights, Safiya and her siblings are exposed to children who have very different lives. Howard is outraged one night, calling an 11-year-old girl next door promiscuous and worrying about her influence on Safiya. He makes Esther promise that the girl will not come back over to the house again; Esther agrees. Meanwhile, Esther befriends two young brothers at SPIC. She gives one of the brothers a pair of shoes because he is often barefoot, but the boy’s father steals them. After Esther instructs the boys to tell their father to give them the shoes back, their father returns the shoes but burns them with cigarettes in retaliation. Esther and her children are horrified at the child abuse. Eventually, the two boys disappear and are never located.

There are several break-ins at the Sinclairs’ house when Howard is away on business. Reagan is poisoned, while Thatcher disappears. To provide for the family and get them a safer home, Howard plans to travel to Japan, where he has a new record contract. He will be gone for six months. As he leaves, Safiya realizes that everything in the family will soon change.

Despite Howard’s strained relationship with his mother, Esther insists that their children know her because she is the only grandmother they have. Safiya and her siblings attend church with Pauline, whom they call Sweet P. The children are treated as outsiders at Pauline’s Seventh Day Adventist Church and are quizzed by kids their age about various misconceptions about Rastafari.

Sweet P feeds them all of the foods they are forbidden typically: junk food, sugar, and meat. When Pauline’s husband Uncle Clive returns home, he argues about Rastafari with the children. He mentions that Haile Selassie wasn’t a great leader and hurt his people, something he knows Howard hasn’t told them. For the first time, Safiya begins to doubt her father.

Howard’s first letters arrive from Japan, and he includes enough money for Esther to buy new appliances and photos. Safiya clings to these pictures of her father so she can ignore her growing feelings of doubt.

When Esther is doing Safiya’s hair one Sunday, a huge chunk falls out. Lij’s hair is also affected. She takes the children to a Western doctor, something Howard would be angry about her doing. Safiya and Lij have ringworm, a fungal infection that often spreads in schools. To protect her children from being infected again, Esther twists all of their hair into dreadlocks. Safiya has always thought her parents would give her a choice when it came to committing to Rastafari. However, because dreadlocked hair is so significant to Rastafari, she realizes that her parents have decided for her.

At school, Safiya and Lij skip several grades. However, they both face bullying because of this and their Rastafari upbringing. When they return to school with dreadlocks, the bullying worsens. Safiya questions her self-worth. After a particularly bad bullying incident, Safiya goes to a teacher for help. The teacher tells her to ignore the other students because “God only tests those who are strong enough to be tested” (84). However, later, Safiya overhears her teacher and her colleagues commenting that it’s a waste that Safiya is raised Rastafari; their conversation primarily focuses on how her dreadlocks worsen her appearance. While Safiya doesn’t understand everything they say about her, she knows that the words they use have negative connotations, and she feels ashamed.

Howard returns home from Japan, bringing lots of gifts from abroad. The children update him on the past months and tell him about being bullied at school. He reminds them that they are walking a righteous path of Rastafari, which will protect them from the evils of Babylon. They dance and listen to his newly recorded music as he tells them about Japan.

During this, Esther is smoking marijuana. Ife, Safiya’s younger sister, asks if she can smoke too, and the rest of the children also want to join in. Esther and Howard agree, so Esther rolls three small blunts for the children, and they all smoke together.

Sinclair reflects on this moment from an adult vantage point. It seems like a dream now that her parents would have allowed their children to smoke marijuana, but the shared experience served as a bonding moment for the family and pulled everyone further into Rastafari.

Before Howard returns to Japan for the second part of his recording contract, he performs in Montego Bay and allows the children to be on stage with him. Howard seems happy and like he belongs for the first time.

While Howard is in Japan, Esther and the children call him from a local Rastafari shop owned by Ika Tafara. Ika is extremely revered in the local Rastafari community, primarily because he survived the Coral Gardens Massacre, a violent government campaign to eliminate Rastas in Jamaica. Safiya realizes that she was never taught about this event in school and has only heard about it from her father and other Rastas.

On the phone, Howard tells Safiya that she and her siblings are famous in Japan because he puts up their photo behind him while he performs, which pleases her. He also tells Esther that they are getting a car. Later, Esther tells the children that she is pregnant. They are all ecstatic and prepare for their first Kwanzaa together.

They soon go to Ika’s shop to celebrate Kwanzaa. Safiya notices that the celebration quickly becomes segregated: Rastafari bredren go outside, while the sistren, or women, stay inside taking care of the children and serving food. She additionally notes that each man has a different way of being Rasta because each man gets to make his own “credo,” picking “which of the sects and tenets most called out to him” (96). This means some men are much stricter and others more lenient about the rules they force their families to follow.

During the celebration, a young Rastafari wife approaches Esther for advice. She is unclear about what is expected of her as a Rasta woman, confused that her husband has brought up the idea of polygamy and forbade her from sleeping with him or cooking for him when she is menstruating for reasons of ritual purity. Esther tries to comfort the woman, and Safiya is shooed out of the room because she is too young to hear what the women are talking about. As she leaves, she notices how worn down the Rasta women around her are, too busy with childcare to celebrate like the men.

Soon, Howard’s calls home become shorter, and he is extremely angry and volatile. It turns out his bassist, Juju Hewitt, has double-crossed him, leading to the band breaking up. Safiya overhears a conversation between her mother and father and is shocked by how much her father has changed. When Howard returns from Japan, he doesn’t bring anything back and is in a terrible mood. The band is done, and he is not getting a new car.

Esther gives birth to a girl named Shari. Howard becomes even more paranoid about his three daughters’ purity. One day, his obsession leads him to go into the yard to collect various plants and weeds; he forces Esther to make a potion for the three oldest children to take. They cry and throw up while he yells at them to drink it.

Still reeling from the betrayal by Juju and not trusting anyone, Howard sets new rules for the children. They are no longer to play in the yard. He isolates them even from other Rastafari, beginning a new harsh era.

Howard grows increasingly strict and quick to anger. When he isn’t performing in town, he does yard work. He’s extreme, and he forces the children to work with him under his mantra: “Those who don’t work, don’t deserve to eat […] work maketh the man” (103).

One day, while Safiya is playing outside with Lij, she feels Howard watching her. He calls her over, telling her that her tights are inappropriate and she needs to change. That day, he forbids any of his daughters from wearing pants. Esther goes through her daughters’ clothing and throws away all the shorts and pants.

At school, Safiya wants to befriend Monique, who is very popular with the male students. Safiya hangs out with Monique at school, but they don’t have much in common, so they only develop a shallow friendship. Howard disapproves and warns Safiya that Monique will lead her astray. Howard wants Safiya to be the perfect obedient daughter, and Safiya realizes that his expectations are impossible to meet.

One day, when Lij and Safiya are roughhousing, he accidentally slams into her jaw, which causes her tooth to break. He apologizes profusely, but Safiya is hurt and scared. She tearfully tells her father what Lij did, causing him to scream at Lij to leave the women alone. He tells Safiya to stop crying, accusing her of being vain. The family has no money to repair Safiya’s tooth, so, embarrassed by her appearance, she stops smiling. While she and Lij forgive each other, they are no longer as close as they were before the accident.

As summer draws close, Safiya’s school throws a carnival to celebrate the end of the year. Safiya notices Monique dancing suggestively. Surprised, Safiya flees to an empty classroom. A boy follows her to deliver a note from Monique, which tells Safiya that Monique doesn’t want to be her friend. The boy adds that Monique doesn’t want to be friends with a Rasta. The incident hurts Safiya, primarily because she thinks her father was right about Monique. As she leaves to find her family, she sees a rusty nail poking out of a piece of plywood. She decides to step on it, and it tears through her shoe and into her foot. She screams but stamps down forcefully again.

Everyone assumes Safiya stepping on the nail is an accident, so she is rushed to receive medical attention. While Safiya recuperates at home, Esther comforts her, saying, “Anywhere you go, I’m going too” (114). Esther promises that she knows what Safiya is going through socially at school. She gives Safiya a collection of poetry, saying that poetry can make the world better.

Safiya reads the book, falling in love with William Blake’s poem “The Tyger.” Through reading the poem, she begins to forget what Monique wrote. She also writes her first poem, which she titles “The Butterfly.”

A “baldhead”—non-Rastafari—couple moves in next door, which prompts the Sinclairs to move. Their new house in Farm Heights is smaller, so Safiya, Lij, and Ife share a room. Safiya is consumed with concerns about her purity, especially because of her growing and changing body. She finds adolescence terrifying.

When it is time for Safiya to go to high school, her mother finds an ad for a scholarship to St. James College, a new private school. At first, Safiya is upset about not being able to go to school with her friends and embarrassed that she requires a scholarship. Her father berates her for her attitude. In the middle of their fight, Howard calls Safiya “gwal,” or girl, which is a gendered insult in Rastafari culture. This is the first time he’s ever spoken to her this way, and she is devastated and hurt by his choice of language.

After applying for the scholarship, Safiya is named a finalist. Esther takes her to the interview, where Safiya charms the panel of white men with her poise and knowledge of poetry and the news. Before she leaves the building, she is told she has won the scholarship and will be attending St. James. Esther is thrilled.

Immediately, Safiya notices differences between herself and her classmates at St. James. She comes to school in an old taxi, while her classmates arrive in expensive SUVs. Additionally, Safiya has never been around this many white people before and is unsure what to talk to them about. While trying to make small talk, she asks if a classmate knows how to spell Czechoslovakia; the classmate mocks her for not knowing that this isn’t even a country anymore. Safiya didn’t know about the breakup of Czechoslovakia because she reads old encyclopedias her mother got her. There is a lot she will need to learn.