Margo's Got Money Troubles

“It was confusing that he kept trying to frame the decision in terms of what I wanted. To me, want and should were two very separate things. In fact, wanting something was usually a sign that you did not deserve it and would not be getting it […]. More than anything, what I wanted was to make the right decision, and yet no one was willing to engage with me on those terms.”

Margo reflects on how she felt about Mark’s suggestion that she get an abortion. Margo’s internal conversation shows that while she doesn’t engage with ideas of morality such as “good” or “bad,” she is nevertheless concerned with responsibility and fairness and a desire to do the “right” thing. This helps develop Margo’s character, painting her as an ethical person from the very start, which will end up contrasting with society’s views of her as a woman who makes “immoral” choices.

“‘I’m so sorry, Mom,’ Margo said, and she meant it. Before she’d had Bodhi, she’d known her mother loved her, but she hadn’t understood how expensive that love was, how much a mother paid for it.”

Margo learns about how Shyanne, a single mother herself, had no support when raising Margo as a newborn, and this gives Margo a newfound appreciation for her mother’s efforts. Margo’s ability to understand and empathize with those around her, even those with whom she doesn’t always have positive relationships, is one of her defining character traits. Although Shyanne is not a supportive or helpful mother to her in the moment, Margo can still appreciate how much she did for her when Margo was little and how difficult it must have been for Shyanne.

“She seemed to walk everywhere in a cloud of shame. She was a stupid slut for having a baby, and if she’d had an abortion, she also would have been a stupid slut. It was a game you could not win.”

Margo reflects on how, after becoming a single mother, she is constantly confronted with shame from all quarters. She recognizes the duplicity of this experience: She is judged for keeping the baby, and she would have been judged just as harshly if she had chosen not to. She is seen as an immoral woman willing to give in to sexual desire but who is unwilling to deal with its consequences. This passage highlights The Challenges of Single Motherhood, especially when paired with Patriarchal Standards of Women’s Morality.

“I like getting to be the me now watching the past me. It’s almost a way of loving myself. Stroking the cheek of that girl with my understanding. Smoothing her hair in my mind’s eye.”

Margo the narrator speaks directly to the reader, acknowledging that she enjoys recounting events from her past as if she were an outsider looking in. The narrative is peppered with such instances of the narrator breaking the fourth wall and speaking directly to the reader. This metanarrative strategy highlights the idea that this book is a piece of fiction, and of art; these are ideas explored within the story itself by Margo, who meditates on how art can be persuasive and emotionally affecting.

“And that is how she became HungryGhost. Alone, in the dark, lit up by a laptop screen, with her baby […]. Or that is how I became HungryGhost. It is hard to tell which one of us it was.”

Margo adopts the username “HungryGhost” for her OnlyFans account. The phrase “Hungry Ghost” is an important motif in the book, with its symbolism evolving over the course of the story. In this passage, the name echoes the situation: The description of Margo sitting alone in the dark lit up by a screen gives off an eerie or “ghostly” quality. Bodhi’s presence underlines the motivation behind Margo’s actions—the hunger or desperation that Margo feels to provide for her child.

“‘How do you build celebrity?’ she asked. ‘Like, how do you get over or how do you build heat?’ Jinx asked. ‘I don’t know,’ Margo said. ‘Both? What’s the difference?’ ‘Well, I mean building heat generally means picking fights that piss off the audience. Hate is just as powerful as love, more so where ticket sales are concerned.’”

Margo asks Jinx for advice on building celebrity, and he describes how and why hate is as powerful as love in this context. Margo constantly uses insights that Jinx offers to create her persona on OnlyFans. Initially, she tries to cultivate her audience’s love by trying to put out content that is likable and entertaining. After she has been doxed, however, she embraces the hate she receives and uses this to build celebrity: She turns “Ghost” evil, having Rigoberto take over the alien’s body and making her do all kinds of sexually explicit things. Margo’s decision to capitalize on the shame and censure she has already received stems from the important insight she receives from Jinx in this passage.

“People treat sex workers so badly and with such disdain, and I didn’t want that for you, but somehow that just resulted in me treating you with disdain for being a sex worker, and that’s not what I want to do or who I want to be. You’re my daughter. I will love you forever no matter what.”

Jinx apologizes for his initial reaction to Margo’s revelation about her OnlyFans account, and he explains why he reacted the way he did. Jinx’s self-awareness highlights how deeply Patriarchal Standards of Women’s Morality are enmeshed in society. Although Jinx doesn’t agree with or ascribe to the shame associated with sex, his knee-jerk reaction is proof of how powerful these attitudes are. This passage further displays how Jinx is a loving and supportive father; his response is in sharp contrast to the one Shyanne later has when she discovers Margo’s work on OnlyFans.

“Weirdly, it was how much fun she was having that was hardest for her to process. The small cascade of neurochemicals each time her phone dinged with a new message. The obsessive refreshing of the page to see if anything new had happened. The compliments, the likes, the fire emojis—they were all intoxicating and kind of exciting.”

Margo reflects on how enjoyable the experience of being an OnlyFans creator is, which she didn’t expect. Margo’s description of the addictive rush that she receives from putting out content on a digital platform speaks to Digital Consumerism, Creativity, and Dual Identities, specifically with how consumerism, creativity, and identity interact. Having people consume and validate the content Margo puts out fuels her sense of self—the positive reactions feel good and feeds her self-esteem, linking consumerism, creativity, and identity over time.

“How much is fake. It’s all fake, it’s all real, the lines are blurry. Where does the character end and the self begin?”

Jinx answers Suzie’s question about how much of professional wrestling is real. He explains that while certain sections are choreographed, the persona of the wrestler has to be based in reality; without authenticity, audiences cannot connect with or appreciate the fights. This is advice Margo carries into her creation of her persona, “Ghost.” Jinx’s words also underline the theme of Digital Consumerism, Creativity, and Dual Identities, showing the inextricable link between consumerism, creativity, and identity in any form of art that is meant for an audience.

“‘No man will marry you now,’ she said. I’m not sure there was a thing she could have said that would have struck me as more ridiculous while also tapping directly into my deepest fears.”

Shyanne is distraught when she discovers that Margo is a content creator on OnlyFans, and she immediately proceeds to shame her daughter for this. The assertion that no man will marry Margo stems directly from Patriarchal Standards of Women’s Morality that assert that women who enjoy sex and express sexual desire are immoral and cannot be deserving of love within a socially legitimate relationship such as marriage. Margo’s own reaction—her recognition of the ridiculousness of this assertion combined with how she also fears this outcome—highlights the pervasiveness of these views. She recognizes how ridiculous they are even as she has been socially conditioned to accept them on some level.

“She didn’t know if she was enjoying imagining herself as slightly evil because she disliked these people or because she was afraid of them. She knew they were likely nice people. She even believed that they were probably better than her. But she knew they would hate her.”

Margo attends church with Kenny and Shyanne on Christmas Eve, and she pictures herself as “evil” amidst the “good” people around her. On one hand, Margo is largely unapologetic about her work on OnlyFans and enters into the space without any sense of shame. On the other hand, she does grapple with questions of morality about herself, and these are largely instigated by situations in which she is faced with social judgments. Being in an atmosphere like a church, where morality is held in high regard and is seen as black and white, triggers Margo’s questioning; this shows how she, too, is not immune to society’s opinions and judgments, even if she does defy them.

“Maybe it was the leftover excitement from the KikiPilot video, but I didn’t want him to take a step back. I wanted to keep going, not because I knew what we were doing or where it was going. It was like I had become addicted to it. There was a purity to our messaging that I found intoxicating.”

When JB expresses that he would like to take a step back from their virtual relationship, Margo discovers that she doesn’t want him to do so. Margo has many interactions on OnlyFans with subscribers who solely want explicit content from her, so she finds the non-sexual nature of her communication with JB refreshing. She likes that JB is not solely interested in her body but in her experiences as a person, so she finds that she is able to be more—though not completely—truthful with him. She still chooses to keep up a persona to protect herself, but she feels a connection with JB on an authentic level.

“‘There’s a kind of freedom in that, I bet,’ Rose said. ‘How so?’ ‘Like how comedians have to bomb. If you don’t learn how to bomb, then the audience has you on such a tight leash, you’re stuck saying only the things you think they’ll like.’”

After Margo is doxed, Rose points out how this could also be a blessing in disguise: Margo no longer needs to feel bound by social expectations since she has already earned the public’s displeasure. She can freely explore and experiment with the kinds of things she wants to create, and this is exactly what Margo does with the next video she makes. Margo’s freedom here is contrasted with Shyanne’s suffocation in a relationship in which she is constantly doing things to please and placate her partner.

“Everyone had always known, could see that there was something about me that wasn’t worth investing in. The way they could so easily throw me away. Mark, Becca, my old boss Tessa. My own mother, who must have once loved me as much as I loved Bodhi—a few naked photos and I was out of her life. And why shouldn’t I be? I was a liar and a whore. I’d alienated literally everyone in my life except my ex-addict pro wrestler dad, who was like, ‘Attagirl, keep selling those nudes!’”

After Rose tells Margo that her recent content ideas are not as good as her previous ones, Margo descends into a spiral of negative self-talk. She labels herself as not being good enough, using non-related experiences to justify this. Margo’s big reaction to Rose’s criticism highlights how her sense of self-worth has slowly linked itself with her success as a creator. This speaks to the theme of Digital Consumerism, Creativity, and Dual Identities, specifically highlighting how creativity and identity are impacted by the audience’s reaction to the work. This passage also shows how Margo slips into viewing herself through Patriarchal Standards of Women’s Morality when she is feeling self-critical.

“The important thing, Margo thought, was to control the narrative. Mary hadn’t worried that having been raped made her any less worthy of marrying Joseph, and she didn’t worry about the fact that she was lying. What she did was put her finger on a scale she could clearly see was rigged against her. If she’d told the truth, she would have been killed. So Mary told a beautiful, golden whopper and became the most revered woman on Earth.”

Margo reflects on what she believes might have actually happened with the Biblical Mary when she claimed to have an immaculate conception. According to Margo, Mary was likely raped and tried to cover up the ensuing pregnancy by claiming divine intervention. Margo sees Mary’s decision as a smart one, since she successfully exploited a system to her own advantage. This is what Margo does, too, when she capitalizes on the hate and attention she receives after being doxed and puts out another extremely successful video.

“I’d wondered about the phrase ‘Hungry Ghost’ when Mark first wrote that poem. What did he mean by it? How could ghosts be hungry? But it made perfect sense to me now: The longing for the food you could no longer eat. The memory of having a body.”

Margo reflects on the phrase “Hungry Ghost” that first appeared in Mark’s poetry, and she ponders how it speaks to the longing for something one can no longer experience. As a motif, the phrase symbolizes multiples things throughout the novel. In the context of this reflection, the phrase is an apt one as a username for an OnlyFans account: It represents the hunger of the subscriber or consumer who longs to possess a body on the internet that can only be viewed and never physically experienced.

“There are certain things I’ve had to lie to you about. I want you to close your eyes and actually remember what it was like to be twenty. I want you to remember your house or apartment or dorm room. Whom did you have a crush on? How did it feel to be inside your body, letting your legs flop over watching TV? Think of how ridiculously, insanely, terrifyingly stupid you were, how many things you just did not know.”

Margo the narrator breaks the fourth wall and addresses the reader, admitting there are things she has lied about in the narrative. She asks the reader’s understanding for these lies, based on a shared sense of empathy about how 20-year-olds can often be ignorant and make mistakes—so the character Margo likely made such mistakes, too, which the narrator Margo chose to leave out of the story. Instances such as these in the novel are reminders that—despite the seemingly objective third-person narration—the story is told by an unreliable narrator.

“Yet in so many ways, it felt like Shyanne and I, even though there were so many things we wanted and couldn’t have, were the lucky ones, and Jinx, who always did exactly what he wanted no matter who it hurt, had never managed to enjoy his life.”

Margo reflects on how, despite living his life on his own terms at all times, Jinx is the unlucky one between him, Shyanne, and Margo. Despite the lack of closeness or connection between mother and daughter, Margo cannot dispute that she did at least have her mother’s presence in her life while growing up; this saved her from experiencing the loneliness Jinx has felt all his life. Margo’s reflection here is evidence of her ability to see nuance in people and situations.

“‘I feel like if it were that clear-cut, she’d have said you had to quit. I mean, you should be good on the pee test, the mushrooms won’t show up. They can’t take him, Margo. You haven’t done anything wrong.’ But Margo knew the world was perfectly willing to punish you no matter what you had done.”

Jinx tries to reassure Margo that CPS cannot and will not take Bodhi away from her, as she has done nothing wrong. However, Margo knows the fallacy of this assumption: Social systems and institutions punish individuals not only for doing something wrong, but also for doing things deemed immoral. This is why Margo believes she is in danger of losing Bodhi. Her work on OnlyFans casts her as an unfit mother, according to Patriarchal Standards of Women’s Morality, and this is why Maribel is obviously suspicious of her.

“She’d been asking me to do that my whole life, and I always, always had. I’d understood she couldn’t magically make Jinx stay and love us. I’d understood she needed romance and that meant dating men I didn’t like or want around. I’d understood she needed to work weekends, I’d understood we didn’t have that much money, I’d understood she needed a beer after work, I’d understood when cooking dinner was beyond her. I loved her. I understood it all. But sometimes understanding wasn’t enough.”

When Margo discovers that Kenny is the one who called CPS, she is furious. Through her anger, she also reflects on how she understands Shyanne’s position. Shyanne feels trapped in a corner she painted herself into by making choice after choice to placate Kenny, and she asks Margo to understand this. While Margo does understand Shyanne’s motivations, as she always has, she nevertheless is angry. Shyanne’s actions have endangered Margo’s relationship with Bodhi, and this is what finally snaps Margo into drawing a boundary with her mother.

“Her intellectual-cognitive functioning is high, and she is able to express herself verbally with ease. ‘Margo’ appears to be able to accurately perceive the world around her, presenting others, even those with whom she has conflict, in a nuanced way.”

Dr. Sharp’s detailed report of Margo, which is repeated verbatim in the narrative, paints Margo’s character in a positive light. Dr. Sharp’s summation of Margo’s personality is in line with how Margo the character has been presented throughout the story by Margo the narrator. Dr. Sharp’s assessment of Margo’s intelligence, communication skills, and perceptiveness are all evident in Margo’s decisions, interactions, and relationships throughout the novel. This ranges across her success on OnlyFans to her mothering capabilities, and even her acceptance of the flawed people in her life, including Jinx, Shyanne, and Mark.

“But I was afraid. I could feel the blind, blunt grasp of bureaucracy closing around my life. The scariest thing about Maribel, I realized, was that she wasn’t a true villain; she was kind of an officious busybody convinced she was on the side of right.”

Margo considers switching careers to real estate as she is aware of how, despite having done nothing illegal, she could still be punished by a system that adheres to Patriarchal Standards of Women’s Morality and therefore views her work on OnlyFans as evidence of poor moral character. Margo’s reflections here, especially about Maribel, highlight two things: Margo’s own perceptiveness and empathy, and The Challenges of Single Motherhood.

“But I also knew, nursing Bodhi to sleep each night, that my world would never be without love again. Love was not something, I realized, that came to you from outside. I had always thought that love was supposed to come from other people, and somehow, I was failing to catch the crumbs of it, failing to eat them, and I went around belly empty and desperate. I didn’t know the love was supposed to come from within me, and that as long as I loved others, the strength and warmth of that love would fill me, make me strong.”

After Dr. Sharp’s assessment comes in and Margo begins to feel a little more confident about herself and her situation, she reflects on a number of things in her life, including the love that now fills it. Despite the struggles and challenges of her situation, Margo has been left with more connections and positive relationships in her life than she had before. These include her renewed relationship with Jinx, her friendships with Suzie, Rose, and KC, her truce with Mark, and above all, her love for her son. Most importantly, Margo has also discovered self-worth through the work she does and the financial stability and creative validation it provides her, which contributes to how secure she feels about herself. This translates into her relationships as well.