Reminders of Him

In any business, a ledger functions to maintain balance, to keep accurate, honest records and to make sure that what is in the past—good decisions and poor decisions—is foundation for going forward. Ledger engages Kenna’s wounded heart on a deeply emotional level. He knows that she is the woman he and the town have demonized as selfish, cold, and irresponsible, but he does what the rest of the town, including Scotty’s parents, refuses to do: He takes into account the entire woman and not just that single act. Like any good accountant working the ledger, Ledger refuses to ignore the bad and refuses to simplify the good. He comes to love Kenna for exactly what she is and not what he wants her to be.

That fairness and balance define his complicated relationship with the daughter of his dead best friend. In his role as Diem’s uncle/friend/surrogate father/coach, Ledger sacrifices the typical life of a man his age—he cannot commit to a marriage that asks him to choose whom he can love and whom he can protect. His willingness to care for others defines his generous character.

If anyone in the novel has reason to be bitter, it is Ledger. Denied a promising (and lucrative) football career because of an avoidable accident (shades of Kenna’s own accident), he returns to his hometown a bartender happy to minister to the steady line of misfits who crowd his bar. He extends to the wounded Kenna the same fairness, emotional balance, and empathy that he offers Roman to help in his struggle to control his substance use disorder. In getting to know Kenna, Ledger changes his mind and, in the process, he finds his heart. That willingness signals his emotional heroism.

Scotty is a memory, more a ghost than a character. For his grieving parents, his bereaved lover and the mother of his child, and his closest friend, Scotty is a memory. The joy he brought those who survived him is clouded by the reality of the accident. Scotty has become a source of sadness. Each survivor clings to some element of Scotty and uses that as a reason not to engage the real-time complicated world he has departed.

Scotty becomes everything his parents, his lover, and his friend need, everything that they once found in his presence and now insist on shaping into his absence. He haunts the storylines in the narrative presence. Ledger cannot enjoy the love he starts to feel for Kenna because he is sure he is betraying his best friend. Kenna cannot move easily into her role as Diem’s mother much less as Ledger’s lover because, as her copious letters to her dead lover attest, she cannot break free of Scotty’s influence. Scotty’s parents are unwilling to depart the soft prison of their grieving, certain that Scotty was better than Kenna. Their world is uncomplicated: Scotty is their hero, and Kenna is their villain.

Once each character—Ledger, Kenna, Grace, and Patrick—allows Scotty to be what he was before the accident, an imperfect boy growing into an imperfect man, they all embrace the joy of knowing Scotty.