The Braggart Soldier

Periplectomenus appears, trailed by several servants who drag Pyrgopolynices, including the cook, Caria, who holds a dangerous-looking knife. As the soldier begs for mercy, Periplectomenus tells his servants to “tear him apart!” (52). Caria notes that her knife has “long been eager to remove this lecher’s vital parts, and to hang ‘em like a baby’s string of beads— – around his neck” (52). The slaves attack the soldier, as Periplectomenus berates him for trying to seduce his wife. The soldier pleads for the old man to listen, insisting that Acroteleutium made advances toward him first, and that she and her maid lied and claimed that Acroteleutium was divorced. Periplectomenus replies, “Swear that you won’t harm a single person for this whole affair, or for the pounding you’ve received today— – and will receive— – if we now let you go intact— – sweet little grandson of the goddess Venus” (54).

Pyrgopolynices promises desperately, “I swear by Jupiter and Mars, I’ll never harm another soul” (54). If the soldier breaks this promise, he must “live detested” (54). Caria also demands “gold—a hundred drachmae” (54) as payment for allowing the soldier to leave. Pyrgopolynices agrees, and Periplectomenus tells his servants to let the soldier go. Sceledra enters with the other servants who just helped take Philocomasium’s luggage to the harbor. Pyrgopolynices asks anxiously if Philocomasium has sailed off. Sceledra tells her that not only has she left, but the “skipper” was really her lover. Pyrgopolynices laments, “Oh, pity me! Now I see I’ve been bamboozled. Oh, that rogue Palaestrio! He enticed me into this. And yet…I find the verdict’s just. [Philosophically] There would be less lechery if lechers were to learn from this; Lots would be more leery and less lustful” (55). The soldier commands the audience to applaud and the play ends.