The Life She Was Given

After Julia reviews the bank statements, she decides that she has plenty of money to keep the farm running, employ Claude and Fletcher, and renovate Blackwood Manor. The old house creaks and groans, and with every sound, she worries about a rat infestation in the walls. Fletcher introduces her to their prize mare, Bonnie Blue, who is expecting a new foal. Julia is overwhelmed but excited about the prospect of running the farm, but she knows she must get her affairs in order first.

She begins in her father’s study, remembering how he often isolated himself there: “How many times had she tiptoed down this hallway as a child after one of Mother’s tirades, hoping her father would let her into his den? How many times had she heard him, throwing things and crying behind the double doors? How many times had she wanted to ask what tormented him?” (121). In the study, among his whiskey decanters and business portfolios, she finds a framed picture from her sophomore year, though her mother refused to allow photographs in the home. The bottom drawer of his desk is locked, and she cannot find the key.

Glory helps Lilly get cleaned up after the sideshow incident, assuring her that townies don’t usually act that way. Glory apologizes for not protecting Lilly and tells her how much she cares about her; when the two embrace, Lilly thinks, “So this is what it felt like to be hugged by another person. And maybe, just maybe, this was what it felt like to be loved” (126). In an attempt to scare her into not running away, Merrick takes Lilly to Danvers State Hospital to show her where she might end up if she doesn’t obey him. Merrick brought Glory’s brother, Viktor, to the circus after taking him from such a place.

Soon, Merrick lets Lilly roam around alone at night. She is determined to see the animal tents, which they call the menagerie, because she feels a strong connection to the animals. In the menagerie, she sees lions, bears, camels, llamas, zebras, giraffes, and horses. She is drawn to the elephants but feels sorry for them too, remembering her own “walled-in feeling of being locked in her room [and] the heavy, horrible ache of missing home” (133). In the elephant stalls, she meets Cole, the kind young boy she had seen before; he introduces her to the baby elephant JoJo and her mother, Pepper, as well as the other elephants. Cole remarks on how much they like Lilly immediately and invites her to visit anytime he’s there. Lilly is happy for the first time since arriving at the circus.

Julia is determined to figure out the root of the rat infestation and believes it must be coming from under the roof. She goes to the third floor of Blackwood Manor, a place she’s never been allowed to explore, and tries to find the stairs to the attic. She gets as far as a small room with a tapestry (that is hiding a secret door) but is interrupted by Claude, who tells her that Bonnie Blue’s foal is coming too soon and the mare is in trouble. They call Fletcher and run to the barn, where Julia comforts Blue while Fletcher and Claude help to deliver the filly, which Julia names Samantha Blue.

Lilly’s story jumps ahead six years. Fifteen-year-old Lilly has her own tent and show, “The Albino Medium.” She is still close with Glory but worries about her because of Merrick’s abuse. Lilly is one of Merrick’s highest-attended acts, but he does not pay her and frequently reminds her that he is her boss and legal guardian. Each night, rubes line up and give Alana the name of the deceased loved one they hope to hear from. Alana shares the name with Lilly, who then pretends to convene with the dead while another performer makes noises behind the scene. Lilly feels horribly guilty about her medium act—her customers are spending hard-earned money only to be tricked. She tries to numb herself to the difficult feelings but instead feels “like one of the lions or elephants, a caged animal being forced to perform” (149).

One night, a man enters the tent acting strangely. Lilly soon realizes that it’s her father. He apologizes and tells her that he didn’t know that Lilly’s mother was going to sell Lilly to the circus. However, he hasn’t looked for Lilly until now because he knew her mother wouldn’t allow her back in the house. Lilly sends him away, angry and hurt that it took him six years to find her. She cancels the show for the rest of the night, even though she knows that Merrick will punish her for it. Later, he comes into her sleeper car and whips her with a riding crop until Viktor and Glory come to her rescue. Cole spreads salve over Lilly’s wounds, telling her that he will come up with a plan to keep her away from Merrick.

Julia wakes up to an ice storm. Worried about Bonnie Blue and her filly in the cold, she ventures into her parents’ bedroom to find warmer clothes to wear outside. As Julia goes through her father’s armoire, she discovers an old newspaper and a leather-bound notebook. Inside, she finds a diary entry that reads, “We have buried our firstborn. May she rest in peace. God speed her soul to heaven. And may God help us for what we have done” (164). Julia is reeling from the news that her parents had another child and wonders what other secrets and lies Blackwood Manor holds.